2014 is rapidly coming to a close. It
has been an interesting year for me. At the start of the year I was
living in California and readying myself for a big change. As it ends
I am in Ankazambo Atsimo, Befandriana Avaratra, Madagascar. And a few
things happened in between.
In February I left the US for my
service here in Madagascar. Which means I am rapidly approaching one
year off US soil which is a whole other mind blowing topic. Unless
you count the embassy here as US soil. Technically it is, but I don't
count it despite their warm hospitality. Leaving the US was hard. To
leave behind family and friends for 2+ years was rough to say the
least. To know I wouldn't see loved ones for so long was
heart-wrenching. Even thinking back on it now brings emotions up.
However, Peace Corps does a pretty good job of adjusting you quickly.
Following a disorienting full day of travel and the changing of, I
believe, 11 time zones, we arrived. And you are thrown right in.
Within 48 hours of landing we were living with host families. You
don't have much time or energy to think. You're mostly trying to keep
up your head above water. It's a lot like when I left home to go to
Los Angeles for school. I left in August for football training camp
and was immediately busy 24/7. You are so busy you have little time
to think about missing people and before you know it you've been in
this new environment for weeks. Except here I'm a foot taller than
everyone, speak a different language, and poop in a hole. Other than
that though the experiences are very much alike.
Towards the end of the initial training
period you become antsy. You feel ready to go and do what you joined
Peace Corps to do. I know that I spent those last few trainings on
policy and paperwork contemplating running through the wall and
leaving an outline like the Kool-Aid man. I'm sure anyone who has
ever served in Peace Corps experienced similar feelings. It's no
knock on the trainers or the program here. They are fantastic and I
would have lasted about 30 seconds at my site if it wasn't for them.
It's just that by the end of training camp you just want to play a
damn game. So then it is off to site.
I got to my site around the end of
April. I was wrong. I was not ready. You just can't be. The training
staff gets you as close as possible but until you actually get there
you have no idea. The first few days at site are the hardest in my
opinion. New place, new language. I don't know what the experience is
in other Peace Corps countries but here in Madagascar the volunteers
draw a lot of attention too. There is absolutely no way to blend in
as a 6'5” white guy here. That is a blessing and a curse. You can't
walk down the street without stares and shouts but when you speak
many people listen. It is a weird mix of feeling like a zoo animal,
celebrity, source of amusement, and all knowing wonder. Most of the
attention is positive or harmless but it is especially difficult to
deal with in the first few days. It is difficult to talk to anyone
because you realize that you aren't as good as you thought at the
language and it would be hard to explain all of the emotions to your
closest confidant let alone a stranger. You are both never alone and
always alone. It gets better.
I was spinning a bit for the first few
months as does everyone. The idea is to integrate in your community,
improve your language, and just get comfortable. Time during this
period, and as a matter of fact the whole time so far, goes very
strangely. Individual days can drag on. Sometimes it feels like the
sun will never go down. Or that you've been extremely productive and
worked forever, and it's still only 8am. But man do the weeks and
months fly by. Days go slow but if you blink a month goes by. It's a
strange feeling. So you get started on projects and try to start
actually making a difference for people. I'm there now. There are a
lot of balls in the air and I just hope I can catch a few of them. As
strange as it sounds, I am beginning to feel a time crunch. I am
about to embark on a highly anticipated holiday vacation then, after
the holidays, it is only a few months until I am under a year left in
the country. I need to hit the ground running. So then it goes from
feeling like forever to feeling like too little time. It's enough to
make anyone's heart race a bit.
We're in the thick of the holidays.
Trees have been up in Costco for about 2 months. Calling birds are
warming up their vocal cords. Lords are a'stretching to avoid injury.
I'm sure ABC Family has an original Christmas movie on the schedule
tonight starring John Stamos and Heather Locklear called “The
Christmas Miracle” about a childless couple who finds a baby on
their doorstep Christmas morning who ends up being Santa and
Mrs.Claus' baby that they couldn't raise because of advanced age so
they decided to give it to a struggling, though happy and loving,
couple on the good list. And it will soon be the new year. This has
brought on my reflective mood I think. It's been a crazy year. To
think, next year I will spend the entire year, save a few days of
vacation, in Madagascar. It's been a year of ups and downs. Big ups
and big downs. I've made some dumb mistakes. Really dumb. And I've
had some great triumphs as well. I plan to learn from the mistakes
and try to make the triumphs more frequent. I still miss everyone. I
don't think that will go away. But I'll blink and it'll be Christmas
next year. Then I'll be planning my victorious return to the States.
But not yet. I have a bit more to do here. Merry Christmas and Happy
New Year!
End note (since I want to write about
something else that is only slightly related to the blog topic and
would have been hard to squeeze in to the main body): I turn 30 next
year. It has snuck up on me. It's just a number but I've been
thinking a lot about it lately in light of my continuing to be a big,
dumb child at times.
When I was younger I thought adults
were all super wise. That, when you became an “adult”, you just
knew everything. I don't know that I every worked out how that
happens exactly. I just thought it did. Like maybe when you turned 21
a light switch flipped in your head and you were a “grown-up”.
I'm still waiting for that switch to flip. Here I am, almost 30 years
on Earth, and still swimming. I'm a terrible swimmer too. I guess the
idea is to always move forward. Try to improve a little each day. I
keep hoping I'll wake up one day and just get it. I'm still hopeful
that I will. Lebron has raced forward and taken a commanding lead in
the life race that began in 1985 but it's early. He can't be a super
freak forever I think. Plus, maybe I'm the Lebron of curling or
something and just haven't figured it out yet.
No comments:
Post a Comment